What I watched this week...

I recently remembered that I had this blog, so I thought I'd resurrect it as a means to stave off terminal boredom at work. Anyway, what better way to get things moving again than by criticising the work of people infinitely more talented than me? Here we go then:

The Love Guru: Did I say 'infinitely more talented'? Christ, what was Mike Myers thinking? This has to be the most useless piece of crap committed to film since Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer shat out their 'script' for Meet the Spartans (and all of the other projects they've worked on). Myers has a dead look in his eyes that screams 'put me out of my misery' while he reels off unfunny gag after unfunny gag. It comes to something when the best things about your film are Justin Timberlake doing an impression of a French-Canadian and Jessica 'Ikea' Alba. For a film starring Vern Troyer it doesn't even have any decent midget jokes. Even In Bruges managed that!

JCVD: Loads of people were going on about how great this film was, so I decided to give it a go. It might be the best thing Jean-Claude Van Damme has done in fifteen years, but come on people, it's Jean-Claude fucking Van Damme. I almost fell asleep.

I Am Legend: I am boring more like. What a complete waste of an intruiging premise. With so many elements of the original story removed or altered, the title doesn't even make any sense! Good performance by the dog though.

Battlestar Galactica: This one is treading water at the moment. With only a handful of episodes left I really hope they can pull all the threads together in time for a finale that doesn't suck. What's the bet that the humans are going to be the descendants of the original Cylons? No? Balls.

Lost: Yes it's getting better, but with time travel galore and more paradoxes than you can shake a stick at, I just want them to end it before I die of old age. Tell me what the fucking smoke monster is already!

CSI: I completely missed the fact that the ninth (!) season had already started, so I had some catching up to do. I only managed the first two episodes this week, but I thought they dealt with the death of one of the major characters quite well. Unfortunately the show is past its prime and needs to be retired before Gill Grissom is seen water skiing over a Great White.

Heroes: I'm starting to lose faith in this show, but I can't stop watching it. So many changing allegiances, so many stupid decisions by characters so powerful they should never be in any danger. I'm praying for the day when Saylar just kills them all.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars: I like it, bollocks to you. Yeah it's a cartoon aimed at kids, but it's the only way I can get a new Star Wars fix and it's arguably better than the prequels. It'll look nice on Blu-ray as well...